Dear readers, as our customers, we care greatly for your safety. And that's why, at this crucial time of year, we feel the need to remind you that your chimney is a real risk to your home security.
"But I don't have a chimney!" you might say, "I don't live in the Victorian Age!" you may continue, but the unfortunate truth is that at this time of year, we see a real rise in the risk that comes from magic elves that install chimneys overnight, just for their temporary home invasion, then remove them by morning.
How can you tell you’ve been targeted by this conniving band of criminal elven culprits! Well, for starters, they are oddly attracted to well lit homes, which immediately sets them apart from other kinds of their ilk. Specifically, they prefer homes that have dozens, if not hundreds, of small lights cast all over your home, with a particular focus on the side facing the street.
Certain kinds of music may put your home at particular risk. If that music mentions things like heavy snow, jingling bells, angels, or stars, we find this puts you at an even higher risk. Some homeowners inexplicably travel around singing such songs to their neighbors, ensuring they are also placed in extreme danger.
Further, there’s a real danger that certain types of biological growth could be putting your home at even more risk. If you have an evergreen tree that you’ve used to brighten up your living room, this seems to have an attractant relationship with this particular band of thieves. Interestingly enough, research has shown that this relationship holds true even if the tree you have in your living room is an artificial tree, not just for a live tree.
Perhaps it’s too late, and your home has already been targeted. We’ve found over the years that these particular brigands prepare their list for targeted homes ahead of time, and they check it twice for high reliability. In which case, we have found that leaving out some milk and cookies overnight on the twenty fourth night of the month has had some luck with distracting these swindlers before they can do much damage.
You may hear from neighbors who state they’ve experienced these invasions, but rather than objects going missing, they’ve had new items left behind. This does seem to match what we have observed over our years in helping our neighbors to see to their home safety, but somehow this is even more disturbing. What kind of person breaks into your home only to leave random objects behind? What’s worse, they mark the objects with your name, and even choose objects that would match your own needs or wants, leaving you to suspect you’ve been on some kind of year long surveillance, and isn’t that an uncomfortable possibility?
So be safe this year, make sure your home is prepared, and oh, Merry Christmas.